Apologies for my absence yesterday, but as you can probably work out from the title, my uterus was slowly trying to kill itself and I was in too much pain to even get up and make a sandwich in less than 30 mins. That's pretty bad.. And even when the pain decreased, I ended up watching Saturday Night Fever with the folks and the film had no plot whatsoever; it was just dancing and music. Overall, it was shittles.
So today you'll get a double whammy post about periods because that seems fitting! So anyone squeamish or not able to experience the pain of a uterus shredding itself just because I wouldn't put a baby in it. You know what, uterus? If you're going to act like this every month, don't expect me to put a baby in you any time sooner. Nah, and remember folks: Don't Fuck The Portuguese Guy!
My First Period:
Every girl pretty much remembers their first period like they remember their first kiss; their first time having sex or their first time waxing their hooha and clearly not knowing that they were doing because it hurt like hell. The last one was really specific... But it is true, we remember. Therefore, here is the story of mine because it is hilarious or the equivalent to that I guess.
It was in May and I was only one month of being 13, so my body was going through changes. I had breasts developing; guys' junk was something I was very interested in discussing and I was very much aware that there are really attractive guys in the world. Basically, 13 year old is current day me, but now I am able to get close and intimate with their junk and I have a membership on LoveHoney and Bondara and I have a vibrator, obvs.
So in conclusion, what did/do I have in common with Jack The Ripper's victims? Both our downstairs areas looked like a murder scene...