Friday, 19 June 2015

Mojito Chat...

Sup, Schneckens!
Today my Asian mom finished her first year at University and I am so happy right now. I totally celebrated, in fact, I celebrated in two ways: baked a tiramisu cheesecake and had a mojito. Am I even spelling it right? So whilst I try and ride this terrible cocktail out of my system, let's discuss a load of bollacks!

Balls. Nuts. The 2 veg. Whatever they are called, we can't deny that they're a bit sad looking. I was skimming through my phone and I came across an old dick pic that I received many moons ago. Like maybe it's the camera angle and whatnot, but man his balls looked so sad. Is this a common thing amongst all men? Is this a case of balls not feeling the love? I mean, how do you? Ladies and gentlemen who are faced with a man sword in their face, how do you appreciate the veg when the meat is the main course? Who finishes their vegetables ALL the time? Exactly. Well, vegetarians..

Another thing. Contraception. Why do women have to do ALL the work? We even bleed for you men just to ensure that your tiny little sperm troops don't flash dance with our eggs and make a foetus us. We. Bleed. BLEED. BLEEDING HURTS. BLEEDING STAINS NICE THINGS. Well, that escalated. Contraception. It is annoying to be honest and a lot of blame is placed on the woman if she is not properly protected. Folks, trying to choose the right protection is hard. There are hormones, injections, pills and hooks stuck up your lady garden to block out the troops. So the least you can do men is put on a hat.

So what have we learned? Apart from me clearly having penises on my mind..

Toodles :)

Thursday, 18 June 2015

How To Get Kylie Jenner Lips

Yo, Schneckens!
I unintentionally embraced the female stereotype today by going shopping and purchasing the following items:
1. A very beautiful dress, but I need an occasion to wear it.
2. Knitting items - so much yarn!
3. Baking stuff.
4, A shit load of makeup.
5. Waxing strips.
So yes, I fully embraced that stereotype today and had fun doing it. Except I have zero clue about to use half this makeup stuff.

Now I am aware that I have been useless here; skipping days and whatnot, but what can I say that I haven't a million times before? I am simply tired and it's hard to blog when you just don't have any energy to do so. Sixth Form days were easy to blog - I would always be buzzing from something whether it was good or bad. To be fair, I haven't been up to much. Tomorrow I'll tell you about Tuesday, but this week I was just going for walks and stuff.

So, since I'm here I might as well impart wisdom. Well, how about getting those Kylie Jenner lips that all the kids are raving about these days.

How To Get Kylie Jenner Lips:

1. Wash your face ~ Rinse, cleanse, moisturise - you get the whole shebang, just scrub that face good.
2. Pick the right lip liner ~ As in the right tone, shape, size = has to suit your lips so it looks realistic.
3. Place the liner above the actual line of your lip ~ I'm sure there are technical names for this, but I am not a scientist.
4. Fill it in with lipstick ~ It's like a colouring book. Hey, you don't even have to use lipstick, you can use the liner because when else are you going to use it?
5. Pout ~ Work the Kylie Jenner look..


Toodles :)

Sunday, 14 June 2015


Helloooo, Schneckens!
I am back and back for good! I have been blogging pretty much everyday for two years and I thought I needed a break. So I did. And what a week it has been!

I went to the doctors. Hardly exciting, but this woman needs to take care of herself since she's been ill recently. All answers were solved and now we know what happens when you don't hook the bait on a fishing rod correctly. Awks.

Also, I became an elf. I delivered joy for those who needed a boost as their academic adventures kicked into full swing. I visited two folk and I showed them all love. One got a special kind of love though.. Here's a picture of me delivering love to someone!

It was the day of the Decision Maths AS Paper and whilst I didn't take it (as if I would do maths..) I was there in spirit as I channeled my special love to my special friend. He thinks he did shit, but it just means we can both escape to Mexico, meet Funny Man's folks and start a business selling Mexican cheerios, called El Cheerio. This was the day I kept laughing at this classic family guy moment and it still cracks me up!

I went back to Holy Family, but this time for business! On my quest to improve the education and treatment of mental health in schools I had a meeting with the Sixth Form team and other members of staff to make improvements for the students. It was a brilliant experience for me as we all came together and thought of great ideas that hopefully will benefit the students. We're also aiming to make it a whole school issue other than just the sixth form. Fun moment happened when I saw my special friend walk past the room just as they asked if I had rebelled in my own little way. Well, I wouldn't say little... Ahem, it was a success and even though the screens confuse me, I am so happy that this project is coming alive!


I hugged Mog all day because I love her so much. I also brought Neil the hedgehog to the Stow and he loves it!

I eagerly prepared myself for Saturday because this gal was going to Download to see Hollywood Undead!! I also took a shit load of selfies in our newly furnished living-room.



Toodles :)

Sunday, 7 June 2015

Making Responsible And Grown Up Decisions

Hi, Schneckens!
Hope everyone is having a good weekend! Mine's been pretty well actually. I have been resting because I haven't been feeling too good recently. I guess I am working a bit too hard with everything.

I decided to unfriend some people today because I got annoyed. I usually contain myself when I become irritated because when unwell and stuff, it happens quite regularly. But today I said no. I have been doing my petition to improve the education and treatment of mental health in schools and so far it has been a success (I'll mention that in a moment) People have been signing it and that has made me so happy. Yet, people who I considered friends have not even signed it. I know people are busy; might not have seen it or whatnot, but I ASKED them if they would sign it. I asked politely, which to be honest I should not have to do. Friends should support friends, especially when it is something that is quite big and even a small contribution like signing an online petition that takes a minute can really help. I have been honoured that folk have signed and shared it, especially as it means that people ABROAD have signed it and they have a valid reason why they might not sign it. Heck, people I don't even talk to signed it because they could see what an important campaign this is and how hard I am working my butt off to get somewhere - those people really made me smile.

After a while you get tired of people who treat you like this and enough is enough. For some, I put my health on the line to ensure THEY were safe! I recall having the most awful week a human being could have and I still put others in front, even if it meant I would potentially suffer. It's not so I could get something in return, it's because I genuinely care. I might not be able to solve problems; donate money or anything like that, but I try my best. So if a person can't even try for you, then no, you deserve better. You don't need grand gestures or anything fancy, but if a "friend" can't even sign a flipping petition, then they won't be there when it's something bigger.

Aaaaand rant over. I wanted to get that out of the way to announce great news:
1. We've reached over 100 supporters.
2. Stella Creasy has seen the petition and wants to meet so we can discuss how we can make improvements for mental health in schools and in the community!

See, good things happen and if you think signing a petition is a waste of time, maaan you were wrong!!

Toodles :)


Thursday, 4 June 2015

Mental Health Project

Hi there, Schneckens!
I have butterflies. I'm starting to think that my illness is actually anxiety. But anxiety is the same as excitement, so let's just say I am excited and I'll do some breathing exercises. It's hard to say why I am feeling a bit nervous, but it's probably down to a series of factors:
1. I had an argument yesterday and even though it seems to be resolved, I'm struggling to shake off that jittery feeling. Eek.
2. I have started my project for mental health and now that everything is becoming a lot more real, the more fear is being generated because I don't want to let people down. Is this how it feels to be an expectant parent to be?

Anyway, yes, I have started my project. Here is my aim:
To improve the education and treatment of mental health in UK schools.

There are many ways in which I hope to go about this. One being a petition that is currently being signed by folks and will go to Walthamstow MP Stella Creasy. We've had 50+ signs so far in 24 hours, so if you want to help increase that, please please pleeeeeeease visit sign and share:

This is part of my main project, which will to have a picnic with Stella and members of the local community. I'm currently planning this with my team and more information will follow soon. At the moment I am drafting my email to her!

Recently I also did a spot of guest blogging for a mental health website, talking about living with Trichotillomania. So if you want to have a read and share it maybe, do visit the site here:

I think that's everything. Yeah? I'm going to start snoozing or knit. Talk tomorrow then! SIGN THE PETITION!!

Toodles :)

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Not Now, Anxiety!

Olá, Bom Dia, Schneckens!
If you can guess what language I am speaking, then you win today's top price! Ahh, what can the price possibly be?! Well. how about a bootiful morning gif of Benedict Cumberbatch's cumberbuns? (or Cumberbum as it's formally known as apparently)

I didn't even realise I was in a Benny Batch mood today, but hey, I'm not complaining. Although, deep down, I guess I would rather gaze upon this on my Wednesday morn:

I miss The Royals so much dammit

Ahem, sorry, and back to reality. Suddenly realised I have earphones in, yet no music. I must fix that pronto. I guess a bit of Bastille gets the day grooving. Who the fuck says grooving any more? Well apart from Old Men Grooving from BGT, who were the cutest and grooviest act of this year so far and totes should have got further than 4th! The answer is me, who is still ill. Eurgh, pass the sick bucket because my stomach continues to churn and I really don't want to get it on Tom Austen's sexy suit.

The doctor suggested on Monday that I may have eaten something rather iffy, with I can sort of agree with. These last few weeks I have been eating shit because I have been hella busy with things - performances; packing; decorating - hell, you name it and I have probably been doing it. I probably even fucked the Portuguese Guy at this rate (side note, Don't Fuck The Portuguese Guy - haven't said it in a while, whoops!) But I am starting to doubt whether it is food poisoning or not because my bowels have been okay. In other words, I don't appear to have diarrhoea and yes, I can spell that without spell check! And with that revelation, we've become far more intimate than I have been with most boyfriends in my life, bravo, Schneckens, we've achieved relationship goals!

However, the doctor did also say I was stressed and initially I was like 'me, stressed, when am I NOT stressed?! Well, not now, I am holiday now! #freedom' Okay, I didn't say that, but that's the gist of it all. But writing down what I've been doing recently and that's not even mentioning the other stressful factors, such as dickheads; bitches; attention seeking tworts - I can sort of see that I am just the tiniest bit stressed and maybe, combined with shit food, I am feeling a bit rough. When I approached Summer, I said I would make it jam packed because otherwise it would feel like it is just dragging on and it'll be crap. I think I may need to step back a tad. Today for instance I am meant to be going to Luton, but I am not sure right now. Apart from the energy used to get there and back (my god I hate London Transport), the actual motion will most likely make me puke. Folks, now I reveal one of my most traumatic incidents from the 2012 years:

Back in 2012, February I believe, Myself, Mother and Father went to go visit Sibling in Derby. I was feeling anxious, obvs. Long story short, on the train, my anxiety got the better of me and I puked on the train. Everyone looked at me and Father was angry and Mother was stressed af. Both telling (more like shouting at) me to go see a doctor because this was ridiculous (they're a lot more understanding now, btw) Yeah, so that's why I am not too keen on getting on a train today and why I need to take it easy. My head hurts, I feel light headed and nauseous. So either I am pregnant with a metaphorical Portuguese baby or I am anxious. Let's go with the second option and whilst we ponder what the hell a half Portuguese, half Russian baby would look like, I'll tell my Son I cannot come and then sleep. Till then, boa noite!

Toodles :)

P.S. It was Portuguese in case you were wondering..

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Only What The Heart Wants...

My dear Schneckens,
I must confess something that I have kept a secret for a long time. There is something that has been awoken in my heart from a single touch. What I confess today is something I hope you all feel and what this is happens to only the lucky ones; the ones who felt the pain just to feel the healing and the happiness. I am in love.

...With Mog the Cat. You know, world famous book cat? Oh come on, did you honestly think I was going to announce I was in love with a human in such a melodramatic way? Okay, that does seem like something I would do, but no, not this second. Well, I do feel love, not just for Mog, for a lot of people.

Why am I being all dramatic? I found this on YouTube: and it's almost impossible not to imagine yourself parading around in the rain after young love's dream when listening to this. Shit, maybe I am in love. With youuuuuuuuuuuuu. Love is weird when you think about it. I mean, we're saying the same thing about the chocolate fudge cake to a human being with a heart and a pulse; isn't that a bit weird. So do I love this chocolate fudge cake the same amount as I love you? If you made me said cake you may just top it to be honest.

This blog is just a ramble now. It's days like this I wish I had Sienna to talk to so I could be like I don't know how I feel about people. One moment I want to be in a zealous amount of cuddles with him, the next I want to call him a prick, slap him and push him in front of a car. Gurl, calm down. But how do I calm down. Jeez, I miss human interaction. Oh, that's what the heart wants. It wants what it had last year. Fuck, I miss Sixth Form, don't I? Well, not the place, the people. I miss that common room. I made memories there and now I can never again. Oh won't somebody hold me.

*waits in the rain* Fuck sake, that was your cue, man! Oh forget it, I'll do it.

Toodles :)

Monday, 1 June 2015

Where Is Music Monday?!

Hi, Schneckens!
Holy shit we are in June. Half the year gone and I am on summer break, planning my life. Well, the next few months at least.

So, music Monday? Well, I planned to do it today... until I threw up and had to go to the doctors, who told me to rest because I am stressed (that's one of the things she said) So sorry about that. I can't eat much and that is breaking my heart. I want gravy. Have gravy, for me.

Toodles :)