Heya, Sexy Schneckens!
Sorry, I have just had a cocktail. Geddit? Cocktail? Cock? I don't know what just happened there. Maybe subconsciously I am thirsty in many ways? Or maybe listening to Nick Jonas' Jealous is just getting me in the zone. Man, you're too fucking beautiful and everybody wants a taste and that's why I still get jealous. It's true. I still get jealous. What does this have to do with anything?
You may not know this, but I am the unofficial Queen of Wetherspoons. Yes, the Spoon Queen. Great at Spooning. HAYOOOO. I've been there so many times that I know the ins and outs of that place and how exactly to do business there. So let's see what I have learnt there. You ready? Okaaaay!
Things I Have Learnt From Wetherspoons:
1. 75% of the place consists of elderly people, 25% are cheap, poor students on a budget and the final 10% are families on a budget/like meals for a great price.
2. They no longer sell Pina Coladas.
3. People will interact with each other there.
4. You become part of some Spooning family.
5. It is possible to get drunk for less than a tenner.
6. You will eat all the sausages eventually.
7. You always forget which table you're at and have to ask your friend to remind you, hoping they also remember.
8. Their onion rings are life.
9. If you're not getting the gourmet option, you're missing out in life.
10. If it has a pulled pork option, get it. If you're allowed pork, obvs.
11. Spoons is a socially acceptable date and is greatly encouraged.
12. You can go out and spend less than a tenner if you don't drink alcohol.
13. You will get asked for ID on a Friday and Saturday night.
14. They have the same plates in every chain.
15. The pitchers are the best damn thing to drink.
16. Seriously, them onions rings are life.
17. You'll keep wanting to back.
18. There is a Spoons everywhere!
19. Don't get a jacket potato. Ever.
20. It's the greatest place on Earth.
In summary, it's awesome.