Thursday, 16 April 2015

How To Get Someone Into Bed

Hey, my dear Schneckens!
I am awake and ready to party. On Saturday. Its only Thursday today and I have work tomorrow. But then I will party with my killer heels, forget the world around me, except remember folks: Don't fuck the Portuguese Guy!

So, this week I have continued to not have a bed, I mean, it's clear, but I kinda like my sleeping bag now. I'll probably sleep in it tonight or tomorrow; treat myself for my birthday! With this mind, let's find out how to get someone into bed!

How To Get Someone Into Bed:

1. Offer them a nice sturdy bed to lie in ~ Sometimes in life we all need something sturdy to get us in the mood. When the bed is sturdy, we won't be complaining! It'll relax us, soothe us and our dreams will climax with intense pleasure that is not at all sexual you smutty pigeons!

2. Say "you wanna go to bed?" ~ The answer will hopefully be yes and the world is now complete as we call fall asleep in the arms of a penguin called Dorris..

3. Carry them and throw them onto the mattress ~ Think newlyweds, think intense love making, think drunkenness, but just don't throw them onto the bed. But you get the point, they're in bed now like lovesick unicorns. It doesn't have to make sense..

4. Guide them to the bed ~ Take their hand and lead them to it like a duck to water, a horse to water, a lovesick uni- I don't know what's wrong with me today and my obsession with lovesick unicorns..

5. Show them the bed ~ They'll most likely get in if it's a good quality bed to be honest.

So now you know. I am in mind now, hope you're in one too!

Toodles :)