Hope everything is well? As you can probably tell, I am in a wonderful mood today and it isn't because I am on the 'happy pills'. They do help, though. No, it is because I said 'no'. Last night I found an old suicide note that I wrote back in September and it scared me - in the grand scheme of things, September wasn't that long away, but it's considered to be well in my past at the moment thanks to my treatment. I had a lot of feelings when I saw it, shock and lowness really - it doesn't matter how strong a human is, when you see that vulnerable side of you, clearly in black and white, it makes you think. Nonetheless, I didn't slip up and I stayed strong and that is why I am in a wonderful mood today!
With this in mind, I started thinking about music because that's an obvious thinking process! To be fair, at the time, I was listening to Hollywood Undead and a lot of their songs have captured what I feel or have felt in my life. Their song S.C.A.V.A. and Bullet both represented a time in my life when I just didn't have the strength to continue and I felt like I was ready to just give up. Likewise, their song Outside reminds me of that lonely time in my life and that constant need to be let and to let people into my life, which is easier said than done. But before you start thinking that their songs just bring out my depressed side, the songs brought out my sexual awakening that really allowed me to embrace my femininity, which let's face it, in society isn't exactly welcomed, it's great that songs like Pigskin, Comin' In Hot and Le Deux allow me to be a woman - free and sexy. We deserve to feel sexy too, you know! Some people may argue and say that Hollywood Undead's songs don't exactly embrace females as their lyrics can be a tad degrading, which I accept, but I try to see a different light to it - sometimes we need to find the good in things, especially if it is a banging tune and it does help me!
I don't always listen to Hollywood Undead, but when I do, I listen hard. Sorry, I felt like the meme should have been referenced. A lot of my music is a lot more dark than chirpy, but it's because I like to feel things when I listen to my music. Hurts always touches me - their songs Blind and Help soothed me during a time when I felt pain from a heartbreak that we all know about and I had to endure the agony of seeing him with another woman. Eek, that was a painful time. But that's why the songs saved me; I knew this pain wouldn't last forever and I could eventually find solace. Sure it took a hella long time, but it eventually happened. Sometimes the dark songs really help with those feelings and that's why Music Monday is a wonderful experience for me; I get to find hidden gems from artists I never knew about, who capture exactly what I am thinking and feeling.
So you don't all think I am gloomy, everyone needs a bit of Kylie in their lives. When guys get me down or when life punches you in the lady balls if you are a female friend like me. When you hear those sexy songs, you feel sexy. It's lovely for a woman to openly discuss sex and it's about time too! Why should we repress our sexual desires?! Kylie's songs really give me confidence and there is nothing more uplifting than binging on Ed Sheeran, who breaks our hearts and makes us feel alive with our human emotion, then listen to Kylie and do the Locomotion. Oh gosh, Ed Sheeran though! When I listen to him, I feel the world caress my skin and star dust falls from the sky and brightens the darkness that is my life. Beautiful.
Yes, that is music and how it saves me. How does it save you? Music is life and life is okay sometimes!