Sunday, 8 February 2015

How To Rough It Up In Bed

Happy Sunday, Schneckens!
Hope you all had a wonderful weekend because I sure did. Yes, I don't think I did anything that was groundbreaking, but I did discover the phrase the cat's meow and thought of a great sandwich idea. I was on Skype with Tanaka and I think we learnt a lot from each other from our conversation. Whoa, things got deep. Well, until the cat's meow and whiz-bang came out; how do you stay serious with that?

Anyway, I'm back in Eltham and I have the sudden craving for sausages. This can't happen since my meat isn't defrosted, so I think a sandwich might help fill the void. Seriously, I love sandwiches. Speaking of which, who is looking forward to the 50 Shades film this week? I'm kinda looking forward to it. I know it's poorly written and offensive to the BDSM community, but I want to see it so a) I can officially moan and b) See how they perform sex scenes without it being deemed as pornography. Until then, here's tips on how to rough it up in bed:

How To Rough It Up In Bed:

1. Sandpaper bed sheets ~ Just imagine that friction as your naked body grinds against the roughness of that sandpaper. Heating up yet?

2. Rocks in the pillows ~ They don't have a sex move called 'the headbanger' without a reason!

3. Gravel scattered on the mattress ~ Screw rose petals, that's too soft. Gravel. Now THAT will make your loins burn because with the rate your body will be moving at, just imagine it rub against your skin.


Yeeeah, don't do any of that. I was clearly joking. Here are your real sex tips or whatever we'll call it.
1. Safe words AND respect - you need one, mine was pancakes. You may have it. The idea is it's a word you don't use in bed. So unless you're a pancake enthusiast during sexytime, you won't be saying it. Respect each other, if you're/your partner is not happy, stop!
2. Bondage tape ~ I prefer it to rope because it doesn't rub as much, so less marks and it feels more exciting against your skin. Plus, it's cheaper and can also be used for wrapping paper!
3. Blindfolds ~ Senses go into overdrive and that is just exciting.
4. Floggers ~ Start off with a rope one because it's not harsh on your skin and tingles, then move up to leather for a full effect of pain. Buy cream, it will hurt the harder it gets.
5. Candles ~ Bring passion into the bedroom. Note, it has to be candles designed for this,, ordinary candles ARE NOT TO BE USED because they will burn your skin.




See, I do provide real tips... Eventually.

Toodles :)