Sunday, 1 February 2015

22 Times Being Single Rocks

Pinch punch, Schneckens!
I watched The Inbetweeners all day and realised that it's called that because they are not smart enough to be nerds or cool enough to be popular, so they are in between. Whoa. Knowledge.


Welcome to February - my least favourite month because it has only 28 days and that upsets me because it's messy. For some, they hate this month because it's Valentine's and shiz. For me, I like to embrace it through my satirical ways and knowing that chocolate will be so fucking cheap - AND I don't have to share it. What a time to be alive. But if you're down about being single, here's why it's actually a good thing.

22 Times Being Single Rocks:

1. Being able to have casual sex whenever you want.
2. Having all the bed space.
3. Having all the covers, so you can cuddle with warmth.
4. Not having to watch shitty shows you don't like.
5. Not having to watch shitty films you don't like.
6. Getting to watch whatever you want.
7. You can flirt with ease.
8. You can be flirted with more ease and not have someone get all jealous.
9. Sexually you can learn new things along the way.
10. Food shopping is completely your decisions and choices.
11. Those gooey chocolate cookies are ALL yours. Embrace them.
12. Same for the last slice of pizza.
13. You get ALL the pizza.
14. And it's the pizza YOU like.
15. You can watch porn without having to feel bad for your partner and potentially upsetting their feelings that you rely on that to stimulate you.
16. You don't have to shave as much.
17. Therefore you save money on shaving shit.
18. Plus you don't need to buy gifts for someone.
19. Or pay for fancy, OTT restaurant meals.
20. You can wear that sexy lingerie knowing that it won't be tugged off in a futile attempt as piss poor love making cos things are getting a tad stale now.
21. You save money on washing because you don't need to wear the sexy stuff a lot.
22. You get to find out things about yourself and you rock.

Seems a bit female based and I'm sorry for my male audience, but I am with vagina, so I understand that more. Weird sentence. But I'm sure most can apply to you too, my penis friends. Now singletons, go watch a movie. I'll join you in a minute!

Toodles :)