Early blog post from me because I have a busy evening. I'm hoping to go to some radio theatre workshop, which should be fun, if not a tad time consuming. Therefore, here I am - early. Or late; depends on where you live or whether your clocks have been changed. I still haven't changed the oven clock yet..
I don't know how I feel. Actually, that's a bit of a lie. I feel anxious. Like really anxious. Not so anxious that I feel as if I will soon lose control of my breathing and have a panic attack; not that anxious. But I definitely feel anxious. I guess it's all down to group work stuff that is beginning to emerge - wow, that feels like a blast from the past! But in Drama, we have to work in groups for a performance in December and I guess all the fears are making their appearance. Who do I work with? What if no one wants me? etc etc. I thought it would be a simple case of that I just get with my tutor group and boom, done. Nope. I have a feeling they don't want me. Well, not like that. I mean, they are nice folk. But they haven't exactly asked me. I guess it's my fault. My stupid nerves have made it hard to socialise outside the lectures. They've all - them and the Drama class - have bonded and I'm still 'little miss no friends.' Shit, that was a sad realisation. I'm scared that I won't have anyone.
Therefore, this blog post isn't to dwell...any further... it's to 'stop and think' about what's really happening. I can ask to join them; I'm sure they won't be like 'No, you vile subhuman!' If they did, that's just mean and strange since I didn't think people still used these terms.. I also need to remember that I'm not alone. When I'm struggling - which, let's face it, is seemingly all the time! - I have many folk I can talk to and who want to help me. Plus, I have formed relationships here. My flatmates are lovely folk and talk to me; in Drama I can actually talk to them - albeit a tad awkwardly, but I'm achieving it. Also, as I was writing my essay, Mystery Bus Guy walked past and said hello. Therefore, I'm not exactly 'little miss no friends', I'm just merely 'little miss over thinks everything and needs to look at the bigger picture instead of that dark, dreary stained muck in the corner.' That was a long sentence. Long enough to end a blog post.