Sunday, 30 November 2014

When Life Hands You A Ton Lemons

Hello, Schneckens!
I am back and it is time. Time for what? Time for this...

Yes. This is the time of the day when I tell you what I did on Friday. The night I got insanely drunk. Well, it started off with me and my Son, Ruby F, going to Poundland and buying a ton of cookies for £3! Pretty amazing, huh? There is a lot of cookies; so I'm certainly in the money atm. So once we bought everything, we came back to the flat, I disposed of that random condom on my floor, and I pranced around in killer hills and we both blew balloons. That was exhausting, so we ate rice and spaghetti hoops. It wasn't the healthiest, but it was da bomb.

Later as the night progressed, my flatmate, Olivia, whipped out a book on G Spots and we all agreed that we truly believed in it. WE BELIEVE. AS DOES MY ASIAN MOM, RUBY K!! So as we waited for Ruby, myself and Ruby enjoyed that book. The images were just... wow. So wow that Ruby K got lost on campus, so we had to go find her. Now that is murder in killer heels! Eventually we found her and we got inside and we partied like it's 1989! Well, with a fudge sponge. We had to wait for Alamin and Mystery Bus Guy - MBG is just around the corner, so he can't get lost; unlike Alamin, who picked up two hoes and brought us a big ass cake, which we feared would be someone who we used to know and we would have to hide MBG and all the alcohol.

So, MBG went and got Alamin, thus creating a new bromance. So we all partied, with balloons and all the lemon based food - I got a lemon meringue pie and lemon curd tarts. As well as cookies. And lots of alcohol. I was smashed to be honest. Maybe it was the shots that my flatmate - Matt - and his friends gave me. I thought I could handle it, maaaaaan. I blame the meds. So yeah, I was drunk and even drunk, I still managed to tear down the wall. Amazing stuff. I also went under the table and slipped, so I have a massive bruises on my knees, as well as my butt, which everyone slapped. We played with balloons and then folk had to go because time had truly flown by... then I decided that I wanted to be 'normal' like everyone else, so I ran outside, declaring that I'm a hoe and telling people to not do cocaine - which they thought I was saying 'I do crack cocaine'.. Okay then. So then everyone, bar MBG (he was safely back in his own flat away from all this!) had to go find me. I said I would go to the bus stop, but no one heard me, apparently. So Alamin had to carry me back and it was hilarious. Once inside, I continued to slap the door and shout I am 'normal' - which Olivia came out for. Then I threw up, whilst turning on the taps. Then I decided to strip, but my Mom had left by that point. Oh, I also had to take my insulin, which is impressive for drunk me. Then I fell asleep, with my glasses on and the rest is a blur.








This is why you shouldn't drink on antidepressants.

Toodles :)