Happy Friday, Schneckens!
What a week it's been, eh? It's not even finished yet! I'm going clubbing tonight and to be completely honest, I am terrified. Apart from Ruby, I'll be the only girl and the rest of the guys pretty much dislike me; plus, one of them brings back horrible, hideous reminders of Tuesday because he was the tipping point for me. But I have to be strong; I have to do this for me.
This feeling fits in perfectly with the theme today: it is World Mental Health Day. I am happy to start by announcing that my old school listened to me. Recently I have set emails to the school, informing them that they need to step up their game when it comes to Mental Health. Using my email in a meeting, more action has been proposed to educate and aid their students, which will swiftly be put into place. That is really encouraging. The other day I believe they had an assembly on it and future lessons will be dedicated to tackling such a closed subject.
This day feels more real for me, given the whole situation at the moment. Truthfully, I'm not well at the moment. I'm sad to say this, but I have lost my spark. Tuesday was terrifying for me because it felt like I had just snapped. So much has happened these past few months, from exams; to starting Uni; to people walking out of my life - there's so much that one person can take in such a short amount of time. Going into more detail about Tuesday, it was triggered by a text message. One text message, that was utterly thoughtless and insensitive, led to my destructive mode where I was in such a frantic and worrying state. Now I'm scared that these episodes are going to happen more frequently; and I'm scared that it'll happen tonight.
You see, this is why it is really important that mental health is discussed more openly; with a hell of a lot more understanding from folk around. The reason why the message triggered what happened was because the person cruelly stated that I was "stupid" and "immature" and I needed "to grow the fuck up" because I had cut myself - the cut was an accident, but if it was a result of self harm, how evil is this to hear? I did cut myself after that. I wanted to tear out those feelings inside of me that just kept pilling up. People who think the way that man does need to wake up and realise how they are making it hard for people to open up about their mental health. Education needs to be in place, as well as treatment, because everyone deserves appropriate treatment and shouldn't be castaway because of something that isn't even their fault.
We need to make a change; and one way we can do this is by talking about it. It's time to show that it's okay not to be okay.