Thursday, 23 October 2014

How To Ride A Bus In London

Hello, Schneckens!
I am determined to get this out hella early for a Thursday! I had a tremendous day making sound effects for horror movie scenes. Like, a leek makes a great bone crushing sound and a packet, just a mere old packet, makes a cracking fire! I had a lot of fun doing this and I wish I could show you how fun it is. But I can't, unless you were there or can really imagine it in your wonderful, wonderful minds. I bet you could..



Now onto the important bit. I had to endure a horror story of a bus journey. WHY CAN'T FOLK UNDERSTAND HOW BUSES WORK?! MY GAWD, IT WAS AWFUL! The button pressing, the one stop travellers, the furking annoying brats that are called teenagers. Arrrgh. So here's how to ride a bus properly - in London - cause if you don't get it, you will be hated by folk like me.

How To Ride A Bus In London:

1. Make sure you have your card ready BEFORE you get on the bus ~ Have it in your hand and ready to have it tapped because if you don't and you have to rummage in your pocket/bag/wallet to get it, you're not only holding everyone behind you up, you're holding up the people already on the bus.

2. Move down the bus if there are no seats ~ Don't stand right at the front because it just holds everyone up and the bus can't go until everyone is safely in their places.

3. Don't stand by the doors ~ Yes, buses can get packed, but it doesn't mean you have to stand right by the door. People need to get on and off and having people block it is tedious and if the bus driver is impatient, the person could potentially miss their stop.

4. Give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you ~ If you're a youngster, who is very much capable of standing, and an elderly/pregnant/disabled etc person gets on and there are no seats, get the furk up! Yesterday I was shocked that some teen just took the seat, barging past the elderly man, who had to stand before I offered it to him. Have some respect!

5. Use your indoor voices ~ I don't want to hear who 'Jenny' is having sex with, nor do I want to know if 'Brad' is messing with 'Melissa'. Seriously, you don't need to shout; the person you are talking to is right next to you. Gaaaawsh.

6. Sit on ONE seat ~ You don't need two; your bag doesn't one and you don't need to put your feet up. If it is rush hour or simply an average time, make sure all seats are available for the public.

7. Control your kids ~ I can't exactly say much since I don't have a child, but from a bus goer, when you are trying to get to A to B, after a stressful day, having a screaming kid, or a kid kicking one's chair, is bound to piss one off. I can't moan because I'll look like Satan, shouting at a kid, but my god, please control your child! This is not acceptable behaviour!

8. If there's no room for a buggy, don't force it ~ If the spot for the buggies has been taken by a buggy already, or a wheelchair, then don't kick up a fuss or force it in there. Buses can get cramped very easily and that's not fair for the kid in the buggy, or us. If the child is able to step out of the buggy, then put it into that position that can slide into places. I don't know the baby jargon, okay.

9. Be respectful ~ You're on public transportation now. Don't go making a mess, talking loudly, causing a scene. People need to get their shit done and you being a dick on the bus is not making it any easier.

10. Press the button ONCE ~ STOP PRESSING THE FUCKING BUTTON. ONCE IS ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

And that's it for now. I am outta here.

Toodles :)