Thursday, 4 September 2014

How To Use WhatsApp

Moo, Schneckens, moo.
Why moo? Because sheep greetings are baaaad. Wait, what? Yes, this is what I am sticking with. This is how I want to start my blog post today.

Today I went to McDonald's with my son, Ruby. It was a really fun lunch because I found someone who looks like the Gridman. It was actually hilarious. Then we went window shopping and bumped into someone from school; I kinda feel as if I imparted some sort of wisdom onto someone today. Fun times.

Anyway, there's something that has totally gripped my life, well, not really, that's a tad melodramatic. WhatsApp. I still don't entirely get it, but I really like it. I like how I can send messages, pictures and videos for free and have a proper conversation with them. Granted, I only use WhatsApp for like a few people, but when I have used it, I've had fun. I've experienced my most weirdest of conversations on that and some that were so explicit that even Charlie Scene would blush. Is that a good reference? Probably should've referenced a porn star, but I don't know any. Well, this got weird. Here's how to use WhatsApp.

How To Use WhatsApp:

1. Choose a standout picture ~ It all starts with that picture. You want a picture that folk will look at during the night because it's truly spectacular. You also want a picture that shows that you can be enticing and interesting, but not at all a floozy. Essentially a picture with the perfect balance that makes you look hella interesting to talk to!

2. Straight to the point status ~ You could either laze it out and stick with the statuses that are provided for you, or be original and make your own. I went for the latter because it's a great chance to really express how you feel in a non dramatic way. You might think people don't read them, but they do! Just don't go cliché and quote an emotional song lyric or something crap like this. Be original, even if it is strange like 'enticed by giraffes' - yes, that was my status once. Ah, their necks are just sublime!

3. Conversation content ~ This service is free, so you can talk about anything and not be charged. Therefore you could go crazy with this. I have experienced a lot of weird conversations on this app and they've all been received differently. I guess the main thing I can say is don't do something you wouldn't say to someone in public. I mean, if you're going to start saying explicit stuff, don't do it unless they're comfortable with that sorta thing. Speaking from experience, when a guy just thrust it upon me, I was taken aback a little because it was so vulgar and came from no where. There were a lot of innuendos in that sentence.


4. Emojis ~ Don't go overboard with this. Yes, they can be fun and really make a specific point better, but I don't want that to be the whole conversation. If I wanted pics, I would've used SnapChat instead.

5. Pictures ~ If you want a boob pic, or a dick pic, that's fine to a certain degree - if you seem to be going down that route, then asking won't be a huge surprise. But if they say no or there's no indication that this type of thing will be received positively, don't do it. You'll look kinda desperate if you keep going on about it and you'll probably never get one. Plus, it's far too risky sending pics nowadays anyway.

6. Internet ~ You need Internet for this to work. Probably should've mentioned this sooner.

7. Respond at a reasonable pace ~ Unless you've changed the settings, everyone can see when you were last online. So if you've got a message that requires a response, and you didn't respond despite being online, then things will get hella awks for you.

8. Take breaks ~ Don't be one of those people who spend every waking hour on this thing. Some people, even with the app, still prefer to text, or call, so if they get in touch that way, respond in the same manner. Obviously there's a reason why they're using alternative methods. Plus, without being cliché, go out and speak to your friends. Trust me, it's a lot more fun seeing someone in the flesh and hearing their sweet, sweet voices. Okay, that sounds crazy.

And on that note, that's how to use WhatsApp. But what would I know? I still don't fully get it. Oh well, I'm imparting wisdom onto you all. Stay safe and all that jazz.

Toodles :)