Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Types of Freshers

Hey, hey, Schneckens!
I felt depressed again. I've been finding a lot of relief in cutting myself, which isn't a healthy thing to do. I was pretty reckless today with the insulin intake, almost burning the flat down and then just roaming the streets. Not in a prostitute kinda way, just in an unhappy Uni student way. Ah, life. It isn't always great.

Freshers Fortnight is over here. I did very little. God, typing that makes me feel shit. Really shit. Anyway, the purpose of that observation was to highlight something.. Sigh. I don't know, I just don't know. Here's the kind of freshers I came across, or not. I didn't really do much, did I?

Types of Freshers:

The Party Popper ~ Always going off when there's a party. Sometimes it's a huge bang, sometimes it's annoying. Sometimes it feels a tad dangerous..

The Vodka Lover ~ Drinks a lot. Granted, not just vodka, but I don't drink much else, so what would I know?!

The Homesick Kitten ~ Lonely and frail. Just misses home a lot and wants to hear from back there. It's a hard transition to make.

The Social Butterfly ~ Went around town and really got to know those around them. Drunk or sober, they made the effort.


The Anti Social ~ The anti-fresher as it stands. There are many reasons for this. So many, but it's late, so I'll ponder it another day. Or you ponder. Ponder away.

The Floozy ~ Chances are that they've never had much luck with chaps, so this is there one time to change it. Now they're stuck with it.

The Couple ~ Already hooked up with someone. How?!

The Gigolo ~ Hooking up with loads of folk. Basically, the male floozy..

Aaaaand finally, The Whatever ~ Doesn't really see the point in freshers and is just doing the own thaaaang.

That was a poor 'Types of' list, but gurl is having a hypo and is sad. We should value the fact that I'm still blogging, despite the sadness.

Toodles :)

Monday, 29 September 2014

Music Monday [Hollywood Undead Binge]

Hello, Schneckens!
I'm writing this in bed, so in a way, we're in bed together? Actually, if you read this in your bed, then in a way - Okay, I don't know where I'm going with this!

So Monday is a day, right? Yeah it is! It was quite the day. Last night I felt low, so I really needed a so called 'pick me up' and this was it. I had my writing for the stage and screen and that was fun because I got to think about characters. Basically, for the two men that have impacted my life in any way with their existence, you're in my 10 minute play. There's only two guys with that feat and they will be in my work without a shadow of a doubt! I also hung out with my Drama lot today and I felt at lease with them; I felt comfortable with sharing details about some of my demons. Not all of them - that might be too much.

Anyway, this laptop is hot, so let's Monday, shall we? Also, expect a lot of Hollywood Undead lovin' tonight. They are just kjfsdlkfs.

Keep The Change
Song I listened to: Danger Girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGozR9Y0xe8
A great, feel good song that is sure to get you up and dancing. Sometimes in life you need a song like this because it gets you in all the right places! Listen to this song, whether you're really sad, or hella happy - it's good for any human emotion!

Gitta de Ridder
Song I listened to: My Yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qfv9XyKuSwM
Her sweet, angelic vocals make this song and her other songs heavenly. I felt enchanted by her beautiful tone and her stunning lyrics; it's truly hard to criticise even an aspect of this song. A wonderfully talented woman.

Richard Sawney Jr.
Song I listened to: Pop Megamix 2014 (Teaser/Rough Draft) (Mashup of songs 2008-present): http://youtu.be/mf5fGTY9Two
I don't think I've ever included a mashup before, but whilst causually browsing, I came across this and I thought it was good; it had a good flow and nothing felt forced or misplaced. A very good mashup indeed!

Song I listened to: We Ride: https://soundcloud.com/northofnine/weride
What really struck me about this song was the instruments. It had a wonderful combination of rather simplistic sounds, that catapulted into something powerful. It beautifully complimented the vocals that one cannot simply get enough of. These guys kept things simple, allowing their talents - in vocals and lyrics - to shine through. A pleasure to listen to!

Song I listened to: Love Will Be There: https://soundcloud.com/emblem3/love-will-be-there
Now these guys came on by surprise. I didn't change the song. In fact, I listened to them. Again and again and again. Then again. I absolutely loved them! The song was so powerful, with an equally powerful message. It's hard not to fall in love with this song!

The Dollyrots
Song I listened to: Stupidly In Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4QZqUB-WjQ
I rarely listen to pop punk; heck, even punk in general. But after hearing this song, I think I've been swayed. The song really excited me, from the title, to the first chord, even to the very first word sung. It's a wonderful song that feels contemporary and can appeal to anyone! Stunning!

Hard Driver
Song I listened to: Digital Punk & Hard Driver Ft MC DL - Crash 'N Burn: https://soundcloud.com/harddrivermusic/digital-punk-hard-driver-ft-mc-dl-crash-n-burn
It had an intense vibe to it that enchanted me throughout. Not at one point did I lose interest and I could listen to this song over and over again. The beats were sick and didn't overpower my senses; truly a captivating listen that is also good at bringing out the fun!

Said The Whale
Song I listened to: I Love You: https://soundcloud.com/saidthewhale/i-love-you
Just the name of the song attracted me to it. I was incredibly surprised by this. I thought it was going to be an emotional, dreary ballad and it was no where near that! This song kicks butt and the vibe is killer in the greatest of all ways! Imagine the swinging 60s, The Beach Boys all rolled into one. This what you get! Great!

Hollywood Undead
Song I recommend: Le Deux: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fndU8RyZzMw
This song I never really listened to and today, I did. My God, it was so damn addictive that I cannot stop! I furking love this band and this song has definitely been my song of the day! The guys may be a tad explicit, but they are so damn clever! FURKING AMAZING!

And that is your Monday sorted. Sorry it's ended so soon; the damn fire alarm went off. Enjoy! I'll see you next week for the next list - you bring the music!

Toodles :)

Sunday, 28 September 2014

Road To Happiness

Hope all is well, dear Schneckens!
I am back on my good ol' laptop, back in the ghetto end of Avery Hill. Yes, I like to think that this is the ghetto end because in comparison to the Greenwich campus, this lacks the charm and sophistication. I think. Who knows?!

Short post today because quick and snappy seems to drum in messages quicker, right? I mean, long posts should be about emotional connecting to your reader and a quickie should just get a message across. Then again, my short posts always tend to be super long! I have been here for a fortnight now and that is a surprise for many! Well, just myself. I still don't feel entirely happy, but I'm trying. I think a lot of my issues are coming from other things from beyond my control. Once we remove the whole "will I fit in here?", "will I make friends?", "will people like me?" etc etc, a lot of other crap is making me more unstable than I should be.

For instance:
1. Friend of 7 year just abandons the friendship after not getting invited to ONE thing and the reasons she wasn't invited were totally justified and valid.
2. Guy who 'groomed' me completely abandons me the day after he suspected I was suicidal; so I can no longer hear from him.
3. My "go to guy" appears to now be bored with me and there is no longer any more excitement when I talk to him.
4. My friends are starting their universities and there is a good chance they will forget about me.
5. In Drama, I just don't feel adequate enough compared to everyone else.
6. Time just feels like it is slipping away.
7. The blog feels like it is getting shittier because I don't have a spark anymore.
8. Still feel lonely.
9, I don't know what to aspire towards.
10. I don't feel human.

So yes, a lot of shit going on in my life. I guess I just want someone to see the signs and actually help me. I'm all alone at the moment and I could literally do anything I wanted, which is the scariest thing ever. In order to get on the road of happiness, I need to find something to aspire towards; something to aim for. I don't know where it is though.

Toodles :)

Saturday, 27 September 2014

The Problem With WhatsApp

Hello, Schneckens!
This will be my first ever blog post in a very long time that doesn't involve university or my university woes! Let us rejoice in that for a moment! Not too long though because I'm going home tomorrow.. Le sigh.

I want to complain about WhatsApp. I simply don't see the point in it. I mean, it's just free form of texting, where you can also send pictures and other stuff. Aren't there already apps for that? Also, isn't WhatsApp only free for the first year? I remember reading that somewhere and that's not really helpful or useful, now is it?

I use WhatsApp for one main person because for some weird, confusing reason, he simply doesn't respond to normal texts and I don't phone people like him. I accidentally phoned him once and that was hella awkward.. I'm fairly certain he thought I was phoning to have sex with him.. Awkward.. Sorry, trailed off there. So I mainly use WhatsApp for him and occasionally some other folk. My main gripe with it is the whole internet thing. You need WiFi for this to work, and there has been so many times that I have been sent a message asking me something, or inviting me out, which I haven't got till hours later. I have missed so many great opportunities because folk decide to ask me important questions, or just questions in general, on a device that requires an internet connection or I simply won't get it. Gaaawd, just text me instead!

Another thing is that it tells people when I'm last seen. Okay, I like that because it means I can strategically plan when to start a conversation with someone based on when they were last online, but it also means people can see when I was last on this. Oh no. Basically, when someone sends me a message, they can tell if I've seen it or not; which is made more awkward if it still says if I'm online. This is an issue for me because I don't like answering to certain people too quickly or I'll look too eager and given that I mainly talk to one person on this and what we are talking about isn't the conventional 'how's your day?', I don't really want to look eager. Eagerness can be perceived as desperation and if there is one thing that I never want to be viewed as and that is desperate because folk can really exploit that. I know you can change the settings for that, but that seems like a lot of extra hassle to be honest. Plus, if they don't respond, that just looks really sad for you!

In my opinion, WhatsApp is the home of sexting and nude pics; two things that I somehow have got involved with in my weird, daily life. No, I don't send anything inappropriate, as I mentioned in yesterday's blog. I guess that's why I'm not too keen on this app. Because of the people I use/d if for have done things that are sexual, it makes it seem seedy for me. One of the guys I talk to and actually like talking to him, that's fine I guess. We both talk about it and show no issues; I haven't once said to him that I'm not comfortable. The other acted like a total dirty perv, blocked me and made me feel like shit. He made 'dtf' and 'send a pic' (which is the guy I actually like talking to!) look like a total saint.

Maybe I like WhatsApp, I'm just not keen on the idiots that use it. Oh, don't even get me started on statuses. For goodness sake, stop with the indirect statuses; we get it, you're pissed! Move on!

Toodles :)

Friday, 26 September 2014

Saucy Friday: Nude Pics

Heya, Schneckens!
I'm not on a laptop. Heck, I'm not even in Greenwich. I'm back in my hometown, just without the glory; Walthamstow. Why am I back here? I was meant to take my mother to see Loose Women, but I got Freshers Flu and so I have been watching television all day. Fun times.

Late last night signalled the end of something I thought was pretty great, even if no one else did. I won't go into details because this is something that I don't quite know to describe, but it's ended now. As a result, I felt like now was the time to discuss something that I think are the most stupidest thing you could possibly ever do and will most likely (as has) go wrong - sending nude pictures. Only one person in my entire life has asked for pics, well, so far and well, someone who I wasn't dating. Truthfully, I have never and will never send anyone a pic of myself because it is bound to go wrong. Just look in the media for goodness sake! Nude pics will get leaked and that can just furk someone's life up.

Have I ever felt tempted to do so? More than you can ever imagine. I really wanted to send the picture to the guy, but here's the catch: I don't know him. I know of him and what I do know if a clear indication that he can't be trusted with an explicit picture of myself. He always told me that the picture stays between receiver and sender, but without any hesitation showed me explicit pictures of some other random girl; he stated that this occasion didn't count as he didn't ask her for the pictures. I knew for certain that this guy should never ever be trusted with a picture of me that can ruin my pristine reputation. Yes, I know I'm not a pure, innocent and perfect maiden, but I keep my professional and private life totally separate and if a picture like that ever got out, it could wreck both. I always doubted this guy and I've doubted him for months. He started asking for pictures in July and now we're in late September. He's the same guy who contradicts everything he says. For instance, he was once said he wasn't talking to me for the sex, months later that's all we discuss and so forth. He says he respects women, but by repeatedly asking me for pics and if I'm 'dtf' clearly shows how he doesn't respect me and sees me as a mere sexual object that he can use, abuse and then chuck away.

But here's the shocker: Do I miss it when it doesn't come up? Yes. That probably says a lot about me because I found comfort and reassurance in his persistence. The moment it stopped, I desperately tried to get it back again. That's normal, right? I guess the attention made me feel good, even when I felt shitty afterwards. This guy has seen me in that way and I allowed it. I may have never sent him a pic, but I did show him. That made me feel crap because he essentially pushed me aside, moved onto my friend and then later in the evening returned to sexualising me, but this time he has the image imprinted in his memory. He can't do anything with it, but it's enough for him to use it against me in ways that can wreck one's self esteem.

People, and really think about this, 'Is there ever really someone you can truly send a picture to?' I've ranted a lot about this guy, but some argue that there is. Like, partners and whatnot. But is it truly safe? Once it's on their phone, you lose all control and it takes one person outside the pairing to turn it into something far worse than you can ever imagine. Pictures [and videos I should add] are powerful, and since we're in a world where technology is everything, is this a risk you really want to take?

Toodles :)

Thursday, 25 September 2014

How To Awkwardly Survive Freshers' Fortnight

Hey, Schneckens!
That was a cheery start, wasn't it? Yeah it was!

I have Freshers' flu, despite the fact that I haven't done much Freshers' stuff. I hate life sometimes. I feel all groggy and that shit is just hella annoying! Curse the monster who gave me this! Or monsters. Most likely monsters.

Anyway, if you're anything like me, you've probably hated every minute and Freshers' fortnight and haven't really done much in comparison to other wild folk. So here are my tips to surviving, albeit rather awkwardly, the remainder of your Freshers' experience.

How To Awkwardly Survive Freshers' Fortnight:

1. Go crazy on the first night ~ The first night is usually when you're feeling most outgoing and ambitious, so you might as well do everything you imagined Uni life would be like, because chances are, after that one night, you won't ever do it again.

2. Cheap out ~ Don't bother spending loads of money. Money is too valuable and you kinda need your student finance for more pressing matters, like rent, food.. So you need to learn to get intoxicated on cheap booze (isn't hard) or just go to flat parties. No one will notice you and you can drink all you like. It's the only way to survive this torture.

3. Get intimate ~ Not sexually. That's waaaaay too much for us. No, just accept the fact that drunks like hugging. You will be hugged more times than you have ever in your whole life. It's inevitable if you're small, or cute, or both.

4. Small talk ~ You will have to do the following: Name; studying; where you from; where you studying. That's pretty much it. If you actually like this person, dive in a little deeper, but the rest just stick with that. Can't go wrong really.

5. Befriend the quiet ones ~ The loud ones will irritate you after a while and won't give you any time to talk. The quiet ones are just shy and easier to relax with.

6. Stay within the block ~ Branching out is too scary and you're most likely come across some strange person, who's sole goal is to get laid that night. Avoid those people at all costs.

7. Go to bed early ~ Whilst everyone is completely hungover/still drunk the following morning, for lectures, you're bright eyed and bushy tailed. You're definitely winning. Sure, the first year doesn't count, but you're totally winning..

8. Barely cook ~ Cooking means you have to go in your kitchen and the smell will stay forever, which means everyone knows what you ate and how you can't cook. You'll learn to cook.. Eventually. It will most likely be spaghetti. Pasta is easy to cook. Trust me.

9. Join every possible society ~ They're giving you free stuff and you can't take it without a reason. I mean, you're not a savage. They spent the time to explain the whole thing to you, so you have to sign up now.

10. Get fake hammered ~ Folk will be so real hammered that you simply cannot put up with their idiotic actions anymore. At least fake drunk allows you to say what you really think and blame it on the vodka.. Avoid real drunk though. You haven't made enough stable relationships to rely on if you pass out..

And that's pretty much how I survived/surviving my Freshers' fortnight experience. I have the flu, somehow. I'm annoyed. Really tired though, so I'm going to bed. Oh yeah, I'm writing this at night because I'm going home. Seeing Loose Women with my mother - she wanted to see it, not me!!

Toodles :)

Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Self Harm

I'm writing this hella early, Schneckens, applaud me if you wish!
Yes, I'm aware that blog posts are getting later and later as the days progress, and I'm half sorry. I'm sorry in the sense that the content is somewhat rushed in order to get it out for you, but I'm not sorry for the reasoning - life is jam packed at the moment with University! I like the fact I referenced jam..

As you can imagine, I have been very stressed at the moment. Actually, I don't even know if stressed is the right term. I have felt a lot of emotions, which I have spoken about briefly on here. I thought today would be a good time to go into more details, for reasons such as I have the day off and because it's Wednesday - Reflective Wednesday, ftw! A week ago I contemplated the idea of suicide because I felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness in my life. It's not the first time I have thought about killing myself and I wish I could say it's the last time, but unfortunately I can never predict the feelings I undergo in life. I feel a lot more better than I did last week, even with thoughtless actions some of my alleged friends carried out. A number of my "friends" have decided that the last few days would be the days to unfollow me on social medias and to avoid me at all costs. Now, given how I have openly stated my suicidal state, that was the most inconsiderate thing I have actually witnessed. I tried shaking it off, but I simply couldn't because a) One of these people KNEW about my mental state at the time and b) One of them has been my friend for 7 years and this action completely devastated me.

One way I coped with this was through self harming. I have self harmed in the past and have done it in numerous ways. People argue that self harm isn't just cutting and I completely agree with this. Self harm, by definition, is: "deliberate injury to oneself, typically as a manifestation of a psychological or psychiatric disorder." [google] In my past I have done this through excessive dieting; pulling my hair out; interference with my Diabetes and cutting - something that I am still doing today. When I found out that people I thought cared about me had deserted me stuff, I lashed out. I wanted to breakaway from my depressed state that I had been in for the last week and feel something new; the new being the sharp stinging sensation from the sharp object grazed across my skin. The Nine Inch Nails song 'Everyday Is Exactly The Same' really hits home about how I was/am feeling because there is that sense that I felt trapped within a situation that appeared to be staying for the foreseeable future; the situation being my sense of loneliness, depression and anxiety. There's that idea if heartache was a physical pain, it would be easier, because when you physically hurt there are more ways of treating it. When it's psychological, there's a struggle to tackle the issue cemented within your mind. That's why I cut myself. I needed an instant release from the pain inside of me and this was it. It isn't ideal, but it made me feel alive because honestly, it hurts. It really hurts.

I won't post pictures of my cuts because that would be unfair to anyone who doesn't want to see such a gruesome act of self infliction. I have faint cuts on my wrist/arm now and the dashes on my stomach. It's not pretty to look at. No one has noticed, which would upset me, but these people don't know me, so they don't know about my erratic mind states. It's moments like this that I wish I was at home because home is where the heart is and I can be helped there. Yet then the folk that I care about would have to see this and that's more painful than what I'm going through.

If you are self harming, or feel low on any scale, please go speak to someone. I wish I could do it, but I just can't here. There are many places to go to and for more information on self harm, click here.

Toodles :)

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Types of Flatmates

Hello, Schneckens!
I made my first proper meal today! I tried last week, but I didn't have a clue what I was doing; so this is my first one. It was a weird day. I mean, at times I felt really happy, then times I felt really sad. But I got through it and I made a mask; it wasn't the greatest of mask, yet I'm pleased with it! Sometimes that's all that matters!

Anyway, hi! Yes, I know that the blog hasn't been the same this past week. I mean, where are the themes?! Well, I used themes during the summer because I didn't have much to write about as I wasn't doing much. I mean, I did loads, but not enough to blog about - like, remember Drama class blogs; well, my summer wasn't always that eventful! The blog was initially just my life and it will always remain that. So some days you'll get just my life, whether it be really happy or depressing, or themes, like Music Monday and Types of Tuesday. If my life bores you, then, maybe you should reconsider staying because my life will continue to be blogged about and if that's not your thaaaang, then there's little point in staying, right?

So with this new place comes flatmates. There are flatmates on every campus and this what I've come across, heard about or merely seen on television. Don't take it too seriously, mind.

Types of Flatmates:

The Go To Guy/Gal ~ They are pretty chill, but always make sure that they're friendly and nice to you. Whether it's a simple hello, an actual conversation or inviting you out. Sometimes you feel a bit out of place, but they'll help you find yourself.

The Anti Social ~ You won't see them much because they're in their room most of the time. Yeah, it's probably just shyness, nonetheless, you don't really see them.

The Party Animal ~ Out most of the time just getting wild. Sometimes they bring it back to the flat and leave the place in a state; sleeping drunkenly on the kitchen table or something less extreme..

The 420 Bus ~ Riding high since the start of time...

The Rubber Band ~ This person probably hasn't had a lot of sexual conquests in their lifetime, so they're trying to get as much as humanly possible in their new place of freedom.

The Cook ~ Whether it be for you, or themselves, they look some motherfudging good stuff! Nom!

The Loud One ~ I don't know how it is humanly possible to make so much noise, but apparently it is actually possible.. Bravo, you. It's a hella problem when you're trying to sleep.

Aaaaand finally, The Crazy Cat Lady ~ Their room smells like cats...But they have no cats..

Yes, that wasn't that riveting, but I did have a full day of lectures today. So see you tomorrow, a little bit more awake though!

Toodles :)

Monday, 22 September 2014

Music Monday [Shrimpy]

Hey, hey, heeeeeey, Schneckens!
Yep, late, but not pregnant! I don't know, I thought I'd be controversial and say something out there; did it work for you? No, of course not. No one wants to know about that kinda thaaang.

Today was a good day. Had my first official lectures and the lecturers are pretty cool. I didn't think that was possible, but they all seem really nice and friendly. One was Scottish and that just made me smile - he obviously brought up the lack of independence. It was funny. Then I had dinner with my Drama group; and it was lovely. Kept laughing. Turned into a shrimp. Fun night. Now I'm here, blogging, eating jelly babies. So let's Monday, shall we?!

The Aquadolls
Song I listened to: Stoked On You: http://theaquadolls.bandcamp.com/
There's a funky, retro vibe to the song that brings us back straight to the 60s. It is so damn refreshing to hear a song like this, with it's wonderful energy, because it lifts your mood without having to go over the top with production and so forth.

Shellshock Lullaby
Song I listened to: Shades of Grey: http://shellshocklullaby.bandcamp.com/
A wonderful rock vibe echoes through this song, which will certainly cause a spark in your body; thus waking you up. The instrumentals are flawless and this genuinely is a good soft rock song that you can listen to effortlessly, especially in the music world where rock seems to be taking a backseat.

The Picture Perfect
Song I listened to: Crunk Love: http://www.purevolume.com/new/ThePicturePerfect
I seem to be in a rocky mood today. This song seriously got me bopping along and, dare I say it, rocking along! The lyrics; the tune and overall vibe was a complete win and I can't believe I've not been listening to this song before; it truly is amazing!

Song I listened to: Happy With Me: http://www.holychildmusic.com/
This song was just so lively; it definitely is a must listen! The lyrics; the vibes; the tone; the whole appeal is just so unique and striking! It's rare you come across a song like this, so when you do, it's the best moment ever!

Yes. Short. But me so very tired, So see you next week, you bring the music!

Toodles :)

Sunday, 21 September 2014

First Week

Hi, Schneckens!
One week here. How?! I mean, obviously we know how. But how?! Time flies, doesn't she? Yet at times it really did feel as if it dragged on.

Last night was a strange night. I got absolutely smashed. I actually passed out for the first time ever. I phoned a lot of people and found out the truth from others. Some people have been hurt by my decisions and others have been enticed by them. Odd combination. You all know what I did during the day as I proudly blogged about it, but the night is a big old blur for everyone. Well, this is what happened. I felt like 'furk it, let's do this.' So I downed a jaw dropping amount of vodka, put on my dress and wedges, then just went outside. I went outside and felt oblivion as I simply became one of everyone around me; yet still felt a tad isolated from the rest of the world. I walked past a block of flats and they cat called me - it's never happened before and I simply felt indifferent by it all. Then some random inebriated chap hugged me and felt me up; then invited around to his place for what I can only imagine as a quick romp. Obviously I said no. That surprised me actually. I thought I was more numb than I actually was. So I guess that's a positive - I still had my self respect!

I don't feel too bad today. I pretty much just hung out with my flatmates today and that was really nice. They're all nice people and they didn't seem to find my obsession with fire weird - well, they probably did, but are too nice to say anything about it. I guess it would be too early to bring in the whole BDSM thing, huh? Yeah, might be a bit too soon to mention how I'm intrigued by the idea of pain as a source of pleasure.. Anyway, moving on quicker than a box of chickens (what?) I feel good day. I got what I wanted and that was human interaction. Sure, I was hella awkward, but that will soon calm down. And yeah, I still found it incredibly hard to eat and cook in front of them, but that will hopefully tone down soon. So for my first week here, I think today was a nice symbol of what University life can be like if I gave it a chance - yes, it will be awks and daunting, but those brief moments when you let yourself go, it's really fun.

So to everyone moving out today, take a note from the anxious woman: It will be the most scariest thing you will do, but sit in your kitchen; it will get you out there and able to communicate more frequently with the others.

Toodles :)

Saturday, 20 September 2014

300: Bananas, Bananas and More Bananas

Today is my 300th blog post. Hoooooooow?! I mean, 299th posts ago I was merely discussing how I kept listening to Nine Inch Nails' 'Closer'.. Now I'm still listening to it, but I've also gone on many a life journey. We didn't just get on the baby ride in that theme park (let's face it, small people will never get on the big ones...well, not that kinda big one!) we went on the huge ass one that greatly tested my ability and responses that a human being is expected to have. What? I don't know, all I know is that it's the big 300 today!!

It's gets harder trying to do big celebration blogs because how does one celebrate such a joyous moment in one's life, which is rather limp in other's lives? 100 I had Drama; 200 I made a tiramisu drunk and well, 300 I saw a cowboy giraffe. No, that isn't a fantasy for my former giraffe.. I really did see a cowboy giraffe..well, toy one at least. I spent the day with my folks and I really needed that. We know I've been feeling a bit shitty these past few days, so seeing them really made me feel happy. It was endearing to find out how much they miss me and how the moment they had to leave me behind hit them hard. Gaaawsh, the tears! So spending a beautiful day with them, with pizza and fish and chips, and a carrot cake, oh and cheap books, was great. Telling them my stories (a tad exaggerated I must admit) was a great way to show them how I have made a good start here. Not the greatest, but it puts things into perspective. Yes, I have felt so low this week, but when I focus on the good stuff, the bad stuff doesn't seem so powerful in comparison. Strive for happiness because happiness can make great things and make the hard days seem better. As my wonderfully wise son (Ruby) once said: "...When you're happy, it's not as if you're suddenly better, its still a grey day but it's just not raining." That really touched me and is the phrase I share with anyone that wants to listen. So 300. It's pretty grey out there, but right now, it's not raining. And if it does, that's what umbrellas are for...




Toodles :)

No, wait, I can't leave just yet. Last night I got furking hammered. And I mean hammered. Going through my phone I found an array of beautiful pictures. So beautiful; it's like I just discovered modern technology. And bananas. There were a lot of bananas in my room.. No, that's not even a euphemism. Speaking of which, I said a lotta things that no sober person would ever say and damn, that is hella awks. So yes, I celebrated in style.. I think. Yes, I did. Go, me! 300!! Yeah! FUCK YEAAAH. 300 MOTHERFUCKER!!



Toodles :)